Communicating Your Needs

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1. Which of the following best describes you?
- I have no trouble communicating my needs.
- I sometimes struggle communicating my needs.
- I often struggle to communicate my needs.
It sounds like you know your needs and how you are most comfortable communicating them. Congratulations for learning such a complicated skill! Just remember that each interaction is unique and delicate, and to be considerate of how the other parties may want to be spoken to - making room for their needs can be helpful in communicating your own.
These conversations can often depend greatly on the situation - who you're speaking to, where you're speaking, how the conversation feels, etc.! It's completely understandable if you're more comfortable communicating your needs in one situation over another. If you're interested in an intersectional perspective on communicating your needs, check out this Canvas module by the UBC Wellness Centre.
Acquiring the skills and confidence to communicate your needs can feel quite challenging. It's important to remember that everyone has needs, and that yours are just as important as anyone else's. If you would like to hear what a licensed therapist has to say about the benefits of setting boundaries, watch this 5-minute video by Kati Morton.
2. Which step of the 3-step approach do you find the most difficult?
- Acknowledge the situation.
- Communicate your boundaries.
- Try to meet them halfway, if possible.
Sometimes it can be difficult to acknowledge what's happening. This step can be painful, emotional, and/or complicated. However, by taking the time to reflect on the situation, and what actions have or have not been taken, you can better communicate where your boundaries are, and how the other party can respect them.
This is a very delicate step. Many people find being firm with someone close to them difficult, especially if the reason for that firmness is rooted in a personal, vulnerable situation, as boundaries often are. If the concept of communicating these needs are daunting to you, why not practice them privately? We've put together a handout for you to identify your needs and how they can be accommodated, as well as a handout to practice the 3-step approach.
Sometimes a compromise is difficult, and other times it may not be possible at all. If your boundary is somewhat flexible, and can accommodate the other party's' conflicting needs, you may be able to work on a compromise that works for both of you, even if it's not perfect. Otherwise, you may need to find a more permanent solution. If you're not certain how to have a discussion like this, we recommend that you access health and wellness resources to consult with trained professionals.

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Give the 3-step approach a try the next time you need to communicate your personal needs.

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